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People would propose a hundred and one ways. Many would say satisfaction. Others would say purpose. There's truth in these.
But then again, I want to raise the voice of people who say that a free, guiltless, forgiving heart is another path to happiness.
In a more academic stance, forgiveness begins to attract researchers' attention. Psychological studies about forgiveness and surrounding issues start to emerge.
This is a good sign which shows that forgiveness is already recognized as a human reality worth understanding at an empirical level.
In this post, though, I want to go deeply about forgiveness being a personal experience that leads to fulfillment and well being.
Forgiveness, I believe, has a lot of connection to the reality of human error. Since to err is human, being hurt intentionally or unintentionally by others or even by our own self becomes an authentic experience. The pain brought by this hurting experience may vary in types and degrees for some specific reasons. For instance, being hurt by a stranger in a stampede would have a very unique effect on our psyche as opposed to being hurt by a significant person (a parent, a friend, a lover) in an argument. Consequently, our response to these hurting experiences also would vary. For some insignificant hurting events, we just choose to ignore. Yet for others, we may tend to linger--either consciously or unconsciously/willfully or not willfully--on the hurt.
As we grow old and gain more experience, the way we respond to hurt also evolve. We earn more experiences to associate to each other such that it is easier to generalize about situations than to look at them with a brand new perspective every time. For instance, a son who, in his childhood, developed mistrust towards his father and catered the pain brought about this broken relationship may tend to mistrust a workmate or a friend or a lover or himself such that the experience of mistrust and hurt becomes a sequence of seemingly uninterrupted and succeeding events that can take place for years.
This sequence of experience burdens the person and his psyche. It becomes a petri dish where other unwanted emotions and experiences--dysfunctional relationships, unmanaged anger and antipathy, lowered self-esteem--thrive. It then hinders the person's right to live a happy and fulfilling life. Disrupting this sequence is therefore necessary for a person to achieve the happiness that he/she deserves. Forgiveness can do this.
Forgiveness may not be able to ease memories of hurt and pain. It may not change past situations. It may not actually help to forget. But, forgiveness gives the entire scheme of pain and hurting a totally fresh outlook. It redirects negative emotions towards acceptance of others' tendency to err in the light of one's own imperfection. It paves the road for further interaction with the other which may open up for a deeper resolution of interpersonal and intrapersonal conflicts. The son who was hurt by his father, after having given forgiveness, may be in a better position to sit down and listen to what his father has to say, and perhaps, understand situations clearly, express his feelings and be heard.
In most cases, specifically if the degree of hurt is so grave, it is difficult to forgive. But, forgiveness is within out volition. It is something we willfully give. Although forgiveness from within--that is a personal state where we have already accepted a past situation and do not anymore hold grudge towards other--is real, the fulfillment of forgiveness is expressed in action. When we are able to face the person who hurt us and converse with him or her at peace, then we have truly forgiven. When we are able to accept and appreciate our shortcomings and begin to face the world again after a fall, then we have truly forgiven ourselves. Being able to do so unburdens us from all other negative emotions--anger, dissatisfaction, guilt--and provides us a wide door towards a more satisfying life...a happier life that all of us deserves.
All of us want to live a happy life. Perhaps, most want to forgive. But, how do we forgive?
My answer is: just forgive.
Forgiving is a leap of fate and it only takes two things: courage and compassion. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “….the weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”
You are strong so you'll be able to do this.
Forgive and be happy...
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